You Know You're a Mom When...

8:36:00 PM

First-time moms don't all feel like parents immediately. Sometimes it takes a few days, weeks or even months before the dawn of realization kicks in. In case you're one of those new moms, or just a mom who enjoys knowing she's one, here's a few dead giveaways that makes you know, in your heart of hearts, that..yeaaaah... I'm a mom alright:

You're Obliged to Order a Happy/Kiddie Meal

For the sake of getting the "free toy" for your eager Minions-fan kid, you'll sacrifice your usual order to switch to a kid's meal. Most commonly occurring during "need-to-save" periods where eating out is so rare you feel like a caveman.

You Talk More Like Your Toddler than an Adult
Part of your adult vocabulary are the words, "foo-me po" ('scuse me po), "tetoo" (thank you), "dawala" (dalawa or two) and so on and "anu'to yan'to?" (anu 'to? what's this?)

Nursery Rhymes Are Your LSS
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round...the wheels on the bus go round and round, all throuuugh the toooown!"

You Use Wet Wipes... Everywhere
You wipe your kid's face with it, then his butt and maybe his feet before throwing it out. Then you realize the table has food stains, so you pull out another sheet, and found dust gathering on the TV...and you know, what the hell, it's sanitized.

Sleeping All Night is Actually Just 3 Full Hours
And yet, it is still a privilege. By the gods, I felt so blessed during the first few months of motherhood that my child breastfed instead of bottle-fed. I rarely needed to get up because I could feed in bed...and go straight to sleep afterwards. It's even more difficult if you're a WAHM (work-at-home mom), here's a list of Signs You're Definitely a Work-at-Home Mom, hope you enjoy it as much as this post.

You Hide Chocolates and Goodies
"Nope, not sharing. For once in my life, I am NOT gonna share this bar of Hershey's with anyone, EVER! Huhuhu...I deserve this!" Because sometimes you just want something of your own, and only your own.

Your Bag Contains Food Bits
Underneath that foundation pod and your mini-planner is a hidden secret; bits of chips, biscuits and food wrappers you'd been meaning to throw out...days ago. Whenever you do get the chance or energy to clean out your shoulder bag, there's already a colony of food bits that apparently formed a partnership with molds. At least, that's what happens when you procrastinate cleaning your bag.

Remembering to Brush Your Teeth is Considered an Accomplishment
I have never successfully brushed for at least 5 consecutive days. There are nights I fall asleep without even knowing or while partially sitting up (while working on the computer) and even head straight to work without washing my face. Some days are just so hectic, if not engaging, that I even forget Miggy has a playgroup session...four hours ago.

You Jot Down Notes with a Crayon or Pencil
Because honestly, that's all you can find in your Bermuda-Triangle house, with all the toys and clothes strewn across the floor and your work space. In addition to that it's everywhere; it's evident by the scribbles and scrawls of "art" on your home's walls and doors.

You Hate Bad and "I don't Like Kids" Kind of People
Suddenly, those funny gits on TV are ass-wipes after all and the sick murdering, raping, molesting sum'mbitchiss in the news deserve burning in hell. And then, those people who "don't like kids" or who frown at seeing one or don't even say hi to yours or just downright shoos him away. Well THOSE are the REAL jerks.

The Fruit You Put Out to Peel/Cut Magically Disappear
I peel and cut apples so my son won't choke, but each time I place that or any other fruit on the chopping board it somehow disappears. Turns out there's a sneaky little hand that occasionally sweeps over the counter.

Loose Clothing and Soft Pants Are Your Fashion Statement
Tank top off, mini skirts out and bras away. Anything that's tight, irritable or thick is no longer needed. Everything soft, smooth, loose and comfy becomes your wardrobe's best picks.

You Buy the BEST... or Nice Things-- On Sale
Yeah, well the best isn't always budget-friendly or compassionate about your financial sometimes you just end up getting that unknown but seemingly high-quality brand that's on 80% sale. I mean, who're you kidding? I'm not gonna buy that 1,999 php romper, I don't sh*t money.

Grocery Shopping Alone is a Vacation
Walking around in a cool air-conditioned space with nobody tugging at your shorts to clean something up or wash another butt is the best thing in a long time. You also have the freedom to actually choose, even if that's just a decision between balsamic or distilled white vinegar.

Your Room Looks Like This
There are always toys on the bed, and the stuff from your bag are always out, no matter how many times you put them back in. And for some reason, your work desk is no longer a desk for work because of all the other "stuff" your toddler "found" in the room and put there, including your goodies stash he discovered.

You Accomplish an Hour's Chores in 10 Minutes
It's not just an ability, it's a necessity. If you don't finish enough chores in the few "window" hours your kid gives you, you'll be busy juggling everything all day. Time management skills are bound to kick in and your inner "Flash" eventually takes over, with the promise of a possible nap afterwards.

Your Have the Hearing Capabilities of a Bat
People I dine in look at me like I'm a weirdo because I'd suddenly freeze over my plate. They'd only understand later when my son comes crying out of the room or when I rush to him from two rooms away. I don't know if it's something to be proud of, but I could hear Miggy grunt from across the house and I'd know he's about to poop.

Your Levels of Pain Range from 1 to Lego
I thought this was an exaggeration when I saw it in memes, until I actually stepped on one while cleaning up the room. Words could not describe how I felt, if anything, it was: @$&I)T#FE#K:@&(&$%!!!!!!!

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