TERRIBLE TWOs: My Worst Experience So Far
11:35:00 PMA temper Tantrum is probably your child's biggest weapon against you.
It's every mom's kryptonite, your worst nightmare in repetition for 15 minutes, that arch nemesis that just wouldn't die and probably the biggest mind fuuUUUUU--yes.
So, yeah, that's how I thought when I read about it on parenting blogs and child development sites. Of course I used to say, "I'm glad we're not at that stage yet." Well, now that my son's "Baby Years" have expired, I realize how impeccably true those parenting sites are. Here's what happened that shook my mommy powers and what is probably my most memorable tantrum experience so far.
My Worst Temper Tantrum Experience
About 2 hours ago my hushbun and I decided to go out and take a walk, with Nimmy aka Miggy, and the dog. Around 15 minutes before we were about to leave, Miggy befriended some new neighborhood kids. Naturally, we were happy about this and let him be. They were playing harmoniously too!
So I thought 15 minutes of playing was enough plus 5 minutes of cooing my son into coming with me, so we could go take that walk we wanted. It was getting dark, so I decided to carry my son away from the pile of toys that the neighborhood kids laid out in offering. He wailed and pleaded for me to put him down, which wasn't a foreign scene for us.
We expected nothing from it because Miggy always listened when we explain that we could always come back tomorrow. Much to my surprise, and self-disappointment too, my son threw a fit that kept growing stronger and noisier as we walked away.
A First-Hand Experience of a Mini Hulk
I had Miggy in my arms and he was bending backwards. He pushed me and kicked his legs like an Olympic swimmer. I can now relate to the cartoon portrayals of mothers looking sad and haggard while holding what looks more like the Tasmanian devil than a child.
I really felt like I was holding a hurricane, I didn't think my 14 kg kid could pack that much force. I know children have soft bones and flexible bodies, but damn, he can really bend! It slipped into my mind how much people under possession are capable of. I don't think my son is possessed, I just think his display of strong will could make him a potential cast for the next Exorcist movie: toddler edition.
How I Felt During the Whole Event
I think it's more of an event than a situation, honestly. My son was such a drama queen and attracted the attention of everyone we passed by. I want to say I could have been mistaken for the police trying to keep a fugitive in control, but the way my son screamed I felt more like a kidnapper.
The whole tantrum event lasted for 45 minutes. I had occasional urges to throw him on the bed, and even shouted at him 3x. Nothing worked. No soothing, no shouting, negotiating, distraction or explanation leveled down his...momentum. I wanted to hand in my resignation as a mother.
I realized that my boss is a baby and I'm never gonna get paid, and that made me say STOP in my hoarsest voice ever. It hurt my throat and my stomach was battered by his feet, but I carried my son all throughout anyway. Remembering that now makes me flinch.
Where I Went Wrong
It's not the first time my son played with other kids in the neighborhood, but it is his first time to play with those particular kids, sharing those particular toys. Their toy offerings included one rugged, old plastic Lightning McQueen car.
That detail foretold our fate, but I ignored it when I saw it. I was so wrong to have let that detail slide, and that resulted in me having to listen to my kid's plea for 45 minutes: "McQueen! MACQUEEEEN! MAACQUEEEEEENNNN!!!" I didn't think it was possible for me to hate a disney character so much.
In addition to that, as it turns out 5 minutes of cooing and inviting my kid to leave the play area was not enough for him to agree to come. 15-20 minutes is too short for play time, let alone new experiences.
How I Should Have Handled It
The scenario would have been different if I had been a little less selfish. I wanted to walk with my husband, son and the dog too much. I had a peaceful scene in my head where we all walked while talking and sharing thoughts of the day.
It was a really good idea, because it was a windy enough day to get some fresh air. The dog needed a walk badly, and Miggy could use some exercise. I was too focused on the advantages of my idea of a good day that I failed to see that Miggy's idea of a good day was completely different.
I should have let him go on with his playing, took that walk I wanted some other day and called him to go home after an hour or so.
Me Versus My Son
If there was a scale for measuring the importance of things, my son's desires and needs will always weigh more than mine. It's because he's small; everything is twice as big and heavy for him in terms of emotions.
He's also a first-timer, so that automatically gives me the responsibility of giving him a chance to explore. Kids his age are "extremists" when it comes to discovery and exploration. Toddlers live in the NOW and they are the Kings of Emotion.
Everything they do now is treated as a new experience and when they feel sad, angry, frustrated or unloved...well, let's just say your PMS will be put to shame.
Conclusion! Because I Can't Think of Anymore Subtitles!
So there's that; I should have let him have his way. I should have let him fulfill his desire to learn everything about those ordinary toys and enjoy the play area with kids he had never communicated with yet.
What I know I did right by is that I did not let him have his way when he threw a fit. If I did, he will always throw a tantrum to get what he wants. I'm satisfied I stuck to my decision and let him cry it out. I suffered for my slow judgement but at least I'm not going to spoil my kid.
If he wants something, he can't get it from anger, yelling, punching, kicking and crying for attention. I'm not going to raise a drama queen.
Well, see you next week!
5 comments
Whah.. good thing we have been through with these tantrums. I guess, you have not done wrong, so don't blame yourself. Blame mo na lang yung mga neighbors kids mo.
ReplyDeleteI never really had any big tantrums with my kids when they were little so I didn't realy experience the Terrible Twos or Threes that most parents talk about.
ReplyDeleteIt is typical terrible two's as they said it Sis. You just have to take a deep breathe and keep calm. Talking in heir eye level with a low voice really helps.
ReplyDeleteahhhh!!! mostly kids does when they reach the age, we can always find ways to beat this tantrum and be more patience on understanding them.
ReplyDeleteWe shouldn't allow our kids to always have things their way, especially if it will put them in harm's way, although sometimes we also have to let our kids be kids and just have fun. -- Maria Teresa Figuerres
ReplyDeleteShare your thoughts, suggestions, feedback. I'm happy to improve on my blog!