I told Maricel Johny Motio (Make-up Artist), “I want the photo to speak for itself, but I need your help to make me look the part even more.” Bev Pablo (Photographer) asked why I thought of this concept. At the time, all I could say was, “Because I love painting.” That was partly true, but it wasn’t the whole truth—because it was hard to explain at that moment.

The truth is: I AM MAKING A STATEMENT.
I chose paint because I am an artist. That’s the one thing I’ve always loved about myself. Art has been my saving grace—my way of coping and expressing myself. It got me through my darkest times when I had no one. When I didn’t know about therapy, friends, community, and love. I STRUGGLED.

You see, I used to walk around with a cloud over my head—for as long as I can remember. Classmates used to call me “Sadako.” I hid behind my hair, stayed in the corners. Observed. Watched. Listened. Made friends but never really connected. Just existed. Always outside looking in, never belonging.

Always thinking I wasn’t enough. That I didn’t matter. That I wasn’t worth anything. Not knowing who I was, what I was for, or why I was even here.
I could easily blame it on 15 years of childhood trauma. I could also blame my many mental health disorders, my suicidal tendencies, my self-harming. I could even say it was my toxic marriage.
But none of that is who I am. Those aren’t reasons to just exist.
Yes, they shaped me—but they do not define me.

I want to define ME. Through therapy, medication, and years of working on myself—facing my traumas, addressing my issues—I STRIVED.
Then I found support and love from the In Touch community (a mental health organization). The first community that made me feel seen, heard, and valued. I THRIVED.

It was slow but steady progress, and I was satisfied...
But then I had to leave them because I moved to the UAE to rebuild my family—and that’s when I felt like I lost everything I had built. Because I lost my support system. I felt so much loss.

I REGRESSED. I fell so far back that I thought I was gone—completely.

Then I joined KAIZEN, and I didn’t realize it at first—but it was the community I needed. The push that would propel me forward. I didn’t just thrive—I FLOURISHED.

It took me two seasons to realize that, like I said, progress was slow…
But eventually, I realized:

I didn’t lose my progress after all. I wasn’t lost.
I just needed support—a healthy environment, the right people to nurture and nourish me.

Now, I smile at people. I approach them. I have conversations. I ask about them. I make jokes. I tease. I find myself actively engaging, offering support, advocating for mental health.
There’s sunlight above me. I look people in the eyes. I don’t shy away anymore. I don’t apologize for things I shouldn’t even be sorry about...

I see myself in the mirror—and I’ve never seen myself this bright.
Someone loved. Someone loving.

I told the Kunafa Kweens (Nanay Shi, Mazzy L Calderon, Maria Camille Balisnomo-Arguelles, Grace Ababan, Jane JP) that in my solo shoot—my transformation photo—I still wanted them to be part of it somehow.
Because they were the ones who pushed me to be better, to shine brighter. They are my inspiration. My standard for kindness, for helping others, for embodying what it means to be a Champion.

They also represent the Kaizen community, the UAE community, the In Touch community—the few true friends who believed in me, my sisters and brothers—who became my nourishing grounds in finding and accepting myself.
I got to this point in my life not on my own—but with support and love and a whole community behind me.

From always thinking I’m not enough. That I don’t matter. That I’m not worth it. Not knowing who I am, what I’m for, or why I’m even here—
Now I see myself clearly—that I am more than enough.
That I am worth every bit of love and blessing.
And I… I have the ability to pay it all forward—to pass it on.
So I will.

So I will keep doing this every day—this habit of showing up.
Not just for myself, my family, and friends—but for others, too, in a balanced and healthy way.
Because now I know—I am capable of so much more.
And there are no true limits.

So, what is the statement?

I WANT TO BE SEEN—THE WAY I SEE MYSELF NOW.
It’s not about showing skin, shocking anyone, or flaunting my body.
I’M BARING MY SOUL.

This is no longer about hoping or longing.
This is me ACCEPTING.
Owning my journey.
Owning my presence.
My value.
My worth.

I will always be on a journey of self-acceptance and self-discovery—of becoming who I am.
I will never be perfect.
Depression, mood swings, conflicts, challenges—Life—will still bring me down.
I will still lose things. People. My way. My strength…
But I will never stay down again. Never in a corner again. Never hide again or say, “That’s not me.”

I want you to know—
This is who YOU nourished.
This is who YOU supported, included, encouraged, and helped.
Who YOU lifted up and kept steady.
I love you. And I am grateful you’re part of my life.

This is who I want to keep being—who I will continue to create every day.
The result of love, kindness, understanding, and acceptance.

A transformation beyond words or photos.

To the Filipinos out there looking for a TRANSFORMATION that they need: