Do you listen to podcasts? I often do while cooking, walking at the mall by myself, or just folding laundry at home. They're very entertaining and I love how the casters' voices sound while they discuss a gamut of topics. I learn something new every now and then, so I thought I'd create a list to "recommend". So here goes:

MENTAL HEALTH PODCASTS

• The Savvy Psychologist - all mental health topics with a psychologist/mental health expert as the caster, includes tips and guides on self-understanding. Professional and detailed.

• Let's Talk About Mental Health - topics discussed by a person who's had mental health difficulties as experiences in the past, basically all he learned from his experiences and studies. Lacks the professional touch.

• HealthyGamerGG - mental health for gamers, has occasional mental health experts as guests covering all topics including men's mental health. Can be a bit subjective at times.

• Hello from the Magic Tavern - fantasy podcast about a guy fell into a portal behind a burger king and into the fantastical land of Foon. At its 5th season and I still haven't caught up with the latest episode, there's so many!

• ParaNormal Podcast - Filipino podcast covering supernatural topics with a lot of guests detailing their experiences. Can be a bit too paranormal, exploring deeper topics like akashic records, multiverse realities and such.

• Unexplained Counters - stories about skinwalkers, werewolves, and all manner of supernatural creatures taking place in forests, deserts and countryside as submitted by readers. Can be predictable, some stories feel similar.

• History for Weirdos - if you just want to learn some fun, weird facts or events.

• My Dad Wrote a Porno - the dad wrote a porno and they read it, it's amusing and funny and also charming.

• How to Be a Better Human - TED and PRX content, lots of guests including authors, cooks, and other specialists. Variety of topics, variety of varieties.

Most of the movies I list down here are watchable on Netflix, and there's no real timeline whether they are my favorite horror films for this year or something. Just favorite horror films so far..

Veronica

I am not a big fan of movies about possession mostly because they tend to, generally, be the same. The girl gets possessed, somebody tries to get them exorcised, they either get well or they die.

Why Veronica? Aside from the impeccable acting of Sandra Escacena, this possession movie is truly horrifying. It's common for horror movies to leave out its audience in the dark to establish that suspense and fear of not knowing, but Veronica places horror in your face. You don't want to look at it anymore, it's unsettling - but it's there and you can't seem to escape it.

I read somewhere that the movie is based on a true story of an unsolved case of a young girl in Madrid, back in 1992. It's even scarier isn't it, when horror movies are based on real life? This is one of them, but going back to the film; it adds to the horror when you're putting the lens on the life of a teenaged girl experiencing possession who tries to battle it while being surrounded by her younger siblings. Harm, not just on herself, but others is an uneasy risk that you end up watching through.

Blood Red Sky

Horror is multiplied when there's a child involved, that is given. There's another level of horror when it involves compromise of the relationship between mother and child. There's always something sad and unfair about stories that aim to break the bonds of this relationship.

Blood red sky does not immediately tell you what kind of movie it is, and while it's letting you guess, real-life horror happens in the scene. I mean, the movie takes place in an airplane. It's bad enough, scary enough, to be on a plane with flaky weather - and then you add terrorists. For fuck's sake, right?

It's a tense movie, that's all I can say. There's a lot of uncertainty happening, for the protagonist, for her son, and especially for the bad guys. It's not scary scary but it gives you enough horror to mull about what it must be like if you were in this position, or just in this plane.

Errementari

A Spanish - well, actually, a Basque-language period fantasy horror - Errementari is a true gem. True, truuuueee gem. It's about the Blacksmith and the Devil. I don't know where I got this notion that the devil is afraid of the blacksmith, probably from old fairy tales and folklore I munched through back in college. Accurately enough, it is basically where it's based on - some Basque folktale called the Smith and the Devil.

It's the classic fool the devil story and the production quality is just auuughhhmazing. My thirst for fantasy was satiated 100x over. It's set in the late 1800s and I think they hardly used any special effects and definitely no CGI for the demon. It's nostalgic, because it gives you the same feel of how fantasy movies were made back in the 90s when everything was done by hand, from costume to props to environment - although it released in 2018.

If you're into old school kind of fantasy movies like me, just go - go watch it.

The Babysitter & The Babysitter: Killer Queen

Can't seem to list down the first movie without the sequel, I just really enjoyed them both. So we're on the hack-and-slash kind of horror, the killing type of scary. It's no Friday the 13th or Halloween, and yes it is your typical murder horror - but with a side of comedy.

More entertainment than horror, but it's a still cringe-fest and gory, the Babysitter is something you can enjoy with a popcorn or snacks with friends. If you're into violent things and at the same time into teen-flicks? this could be a nice ride. The plot isn't all that bad either, especially the sequel. It's written with some good twists and the script writing is good enough to remember some lines. There are some touching moments too, though not that heartwarming, just alright. It's highly entertaining. If there's a word for it. It really puts you on a wild ride.

I'll be updating for a part 2, when I've watched enough horror, since I don't usually do that anymore and this could be a nice excuse to get me going again. Toodles!

I wrote a lot in my younger years.

I have several unfinished stories, scratched poems and uncountable musings.

I was able to finish one short story, which I submitted to the Palanca Awards contest - I didn't win but the euphoria of being able to finish something, have it printed, notarized, sealed, signed with my name and signature and mail off... is surreal.

I also managed to compile some of my writings into a book - it's not printed or published or anything - tho I do want to have it published or printed or something. At the moment I am not at capacity to pursue that so here I am having it published here.

You could say it's a little bit of poetry, or prose, or creative writing - or just writing. I don't know the best words to intro it but the summary, I feel, is best described by my chosen title:

This is not about the kind of fresh love that rejoices discovering each other and bathes in the details of the person who you've been with for a few months or a year. I'm not talking about those breathtaking, giddy moments where you say, "this could be the one." nor fate bringing two souls together to kindle each other's fire. Not the passion ignited between two souls.

No.

I'm talking about time.

And Sisyphus; the god damned boulder and the never ending uphill trek.

I want to talk about what it means to love, time and time again, in spite of everything.

Love

I am, by no means, an expert. Not on this topic, not in marriage, relationships or what-have-you. I'm your average human meat pondering on these thoughts, with an intention to understand and learn something I can better my life with.

What this is is an internal discussion, an exploration, and maybe my way of achieving some form of closure. But I need to write this, because where I am in life right now is I am Sisyphus with the motherfucking boulder, going uphill, thinking What is this all for? To what end?

That may sound gloomy, and probably tinted with angst, but more than anything it's just me trying to make sense of this... Thing. This life-encompassing thing we call Love. 

TIME

Some people move forward in their relationships after just a few months, settle into a cozy life together, and plan things without doubt or fear of things not lasting after all. Some people take years before they even move in together, while others get married in 2 years or less, others take decades. It's different each time, each person, each situation.

Regardless of your relationship's age, time proves love. It's not in the intensity of the feeling, or the amount of gifts or cuddles you give, but the number of times you show up for your partner when it matters most. How often did you forgive? How many times were you patient and understanding? How many times, in every unique, trying situation, did you choose to stay?

"For better or worse" does not hold itself without the passage of time.

It's not just time: length - but time: frequency + length.

How many times did you set aside your personal interests, emotions, point-of-view or side-of-the-story, to put yourself in someone else's shoes, hear what they have to say and really listen, or simply forgive? How often do they do the same?

I guess it's not about time as in how long you've been together. But time as in how often do you come through for each other that really speaks about the strength of your love, or rather the quality of it. This is where long-term relationships do have an advantage over newer ones as it provides them more moments to experience these opportunities to show the quality of their love. And it provides them enough data to determine what works and what doesn't. Of course, some relationships, despite being quite new can have a lot of moments spent together where situations demand showing up for each other.

Either way, some time is required to have passed by at the very least, for us to have the opportunity show up for our loved one.

COMPREHENSION

We can spend all our lives trying to teach our partners how to love us or what makes us feel safe but if they can't comprehend that puts extra obstacles in our course. Maybe that's what marriage counseling is for, or well-meaning friends. You know, trying to find a translator so you both understand the mysterious "point" that the other is trying to make. Although that's kind of an issue isn't it? Maybe they're not making a "point"... maybe they just want to be heard, and seen, for who they are, what matters to them, what they value. And here you are, counting eggs in the basket.

EFFORT

It's not always the chocolates or the flowers. It's time spent dedicating yourself to your person, and it's for the menial things - not your scheduled dates - like accompanying them to their mother's, or picking up materials for a renovation. Even staying up just to listen to them talk about how they don't feel right in this world. What do you do that says, "You matter enough to spend time and effort on."?

What does Effort mean anyway? What effort is to me might be peanuts to you. That's such a bothersome enigma, isn't it? I guess this is something worth discussing together, since not all relationships have the same needs and wants. For some, effort is not just meeting your partner halfway but all the way through when they're momentarily incapable. For others it's going beyond what's usual for you, going out of your own way, changing your perspective - all for the sake of your partner's well-being. Or maybe it's simply choosing to make an effort to learn what makes your person feel loved, and adhering to it, instead of following trivial acts of how society thinks love looks like.

In any case, the makings of our relationships lie within our choices.

CHOICE

Sometimes you can spend over a decade giving your all to someone and they wouldn't even notice it's there. Sometimes you meet online and in just two months you're holding hands, making love, and forgetting everything and everyone else. Infatuation is such a precursor to Love that it's difficult to know that something will last long until it's fully dissipated. And Love is such an obstruction to your deep emotional needs, it's hard to see whether what you have is something that is right and good for you.

So how do we know?

We choose.

Time takes us across as we make effort to comprehend each other during our most unlovable moments. In between all these conversations, circumstances, opportunities and problems - we make our choice. Over and over again, we choose.

To move on, or let go.

To forgive, or forget.

To change, or walk away.

To hurt, or to heal.

WHAT IF

What if they don't choose us? After all the ways we've changed, improved, adjusted and compromised - in the end, we are not the choice? We can count all of the ways we've been the bigger person, have swallowed our pride and took the most risk - just for this to happen. Just for this to work.

And no matter how much of a saint or a martyr you've been, that still won't change the fact that it didn't work. It didn't happen. What now?

How do we love?

What do we do in response to the people that hurt us? That use us? That come, that go, that bring in happiness, and then bring in pain, and leave it there for you to deal with for months or even years. How do we come out of this?

And that's where it gets interesting, really. The more we cope through the absence of "love" the more we find that there's an abundance of it elsewhere - in different forms. There's love from your family, love from your friends, hell - even from your pets. We find love in a book, or an artwork in a gallery, by an artist you don't know but feel connected to. We find love in the mountains, while the sun breaks through the summit. In a beach, during high tide under moonlight. In a busy city street, eating Chinese, watching people pass by on the way to their lives.

In ourselves.

In the way we brush our hair after shower.

How we make ourselves a cup of coffee before work.

How we set time for movies and tv series.

How we treat ourselves to our favorite things.

How we allow ourselves to cry, when things swell up.

How we tell ourselves, "It's gonna be okay. You're okay."

And it's still a surprising thing, despite it happening often - it's not how we love them but how we love ourselves that brings meaning to the experience.

And maybe this is what it is.

It's not a love story between two people, but a love story of the self...

damn.