A World of Wonder That's Real

Most of my life was driven by fantasy.

As a child there's no better coping than a fantasy story that's more meaningful than mine. I loved the idea of tree nymphs, ancient gods bickering since the beginning of time and the demon inside my heart. A mountain of books and movies fed me; they formed my world of wonder and they fueled me.

See, I had a sad life. Not because it was sad, but because I was.

What I imagined was infinitely better than what I had, at least that was my logic.

Fantasy was my escape but the problem is not that I was a dreamerThe problem is that I was an escapist who had been travelling the wrong way.

I wanted to see the world, you know, have and adventure like everyone else. But the world of wonder I chose was not tangible, they were shortcuts and although it's so easy to visit it simply isn't real. I wasn't grounded, my head was up in the clouds.

No matter how hard I dreamed of the greener pastures in New Zealand or the aurora it never grazed my feet or blessed my eyes. I'd never see the savanna or the pink lake, or the devil's kettle. I'd never walk into the forest and meet a stag, or see the sun rise up from the sea... Not in real life.

And then I became a mother. An unexpected, unprepared, bat-sh*t scared mother with issues the size of Jupiter and damm'it I was not emotionally and psychologically capable of caring for a child. I couldn't even care for myself, I mean, who dreams about riding a Glyph while crossing the streets of Espanya?

feared for my son and although my husband had been rehabilitating me for the past few years I was shattered from fear. I couldn't bear the thought that, as the person I was, I could ruin my son's life.

My coping mechanism had been set to "fantasy escape" during times of troubles, that time I didn't leave. I didn't choose to be elsewhere. My adventurous escapades were suddenly over. 

When I gave birth to my son I started feeling real. My world of wonder shifted, changed in an instant, as I gazed over my own little creation.

Remember the song from Disney's Tangled? It just about summed up all I had been feeling my entire unprepared pregnancy. All of those fights, those over-the-top meltdowns and self-wrenching doubts...it all boiled down to this little critter. And he doesn't have a clue.

"All at once, everything looks different. Now that I see you."

I saw in my newborn indescribable wonders. The stories of fairies and haunting demons in books that I'd held dear are incomparable to this baby's existence. His cries were astounding, wonderful, alarming, exciting...enlightening. Now that I think about it, I believe that no Banshi's scream or Selki's songs could compare to my son's vocal capacity.
My son, and of course my husband, grounded me. I swear my husband took more damage than he could ever handle in a week. If it wasn't for his strong mentality and patience, I would have slipped through and never resurfaced from my world of imaginations.

They grounded me and everything else crumbled: all those efforts, worries, issues and past hauntings. I didn't realize it at the time, but everything was set back to zero for me.

I became balanced and surprisingly more adventurous, with no desire to escape. Why would I?

Free men do not dream of escape.

They freed me in a way. My husband, who had been helping me change positively for the past few years, unknowingly prepared me for my biggest trial and my son, who was my biggest trial then, caught all my attention. They grounded me, and I had never been so awake in such a long time.

My husband, son and I have been to more places than I had been to before them. On his first month in this world my son had gone to the beach and seen the full moon's light. No amount of daydreaming got me that far, and now here we are...
I'm not as escapist anymore. I'm still a dreamer, except this time the dreams have grown and evolved.

I still see the savanna on boring late afternoons.
I still think about the Coyote at midnight when I hear dogs howl and I never stopped wondering why the gods never bothered to put a lock on our heads...

New Zealand, the aurora and seven more things on my list...they're still there but much closer now. We are not just dreaming anymore. It's not just me anymore, it's us.

The wonderful thing is not that we're all dreamers, my husband, son and I.
What's wonderful is that we're making dreams come true now. We're planning, we're saving up, aiming, taking picks and settings our eyes on the future.

Because of our son, my husband and I are even more determined to get there. It's a wonder that after so much ugly crying and soul-crushing arguments he's still here at my side... my world of wonder could never be so awe-inspiring as it is now without him and my son.

A life full of wonders. That's what we want, especially for our son. If we can't raise him perfectly, imperfect and in-need-of-polishing as we are, maybe we can give him the sea, the shore, the desert and the oases:

Everything and everywhere we can go to and he'll never have to escape because there won't be any need to. It'll be tangible, it'll be real, and his world of wonder will be like ours: imperfect, unpredictable, messy and real.

Far better than anything he can imagine, this I'm sure of.

...and yes, I am referring to New Zealand. It's our dream place.
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Early Morning Thoughts: What Music Does

Warning: this is a Personal, Conversational, Playlist post.
Another "mushroom" post in such a long time. Parenting while working two jobs at home and reigniting my passions is tough work. Okay, I procrastinate from time to time, but who doesn't?

Hello, What Are You Doing Right Now?
It's really early right now and yet my coffee is already cold. I'm trying to write an e-book for some client who will probably never really thank me for it. Since there will be no credits to me, my husband is at work and the rates are too damn low, I'm feeling bummed, slightly offended and just.... uninspired. Until I put on this:
Hello. This is my song. What's yours?
Whatever you are doing now, however bad you're feeling, putting on some music will make you feel better. I don't need to convince you. If we all have that one love song for broken-hearted moments then you definitely have a song for every emotion, trial or mindset you have now.

So what's your story? What kept you up all night?

What Music Does...
Is identify, inspire and move. I've listened to a couple of my favorite songs when I came up with the idea of writing a blog post. Eeeeeit's not the e-book I'm supposed to finish today, but at least my "writer's block" has melted. I am writing to you now, aren't I? and I haven't backspaced any words so far, except for a couple of typos. I'm fidgety (like Regina's piano notes); my thoughts are too fast for my fingers to follow.
The closest music (not lyric) rendition to how I'm feeling right now.

Music Validates Your Feelings
Mom, Dad, recently broken-up or hopelessly trying to be the one, whichever you are you're not always sure about how you feel. Not because you're dumb, but because half the time you just don't want to admit it.

I wouldn't admit that I despise the highly unfair rates I'm getting for my talent and experience,
But hey, when did anything become fair? What's great for me is trouble for someone else, so i need to get over that and stop whining.
You know you do too; that guy you're waiting on is probably just really nice and that break up? Yeaaaaaaaahh. This one's for you:
Close your eyes and for the love of music DON'T Watch the video, I swear the song is better without it.
It's okay, it hurts but there are songs and time and unexpected love from others, that will heal that. But if you're stubborn like me, reference song below, enjoy it!

Music Moves  and Inspires You
And that career or life-changing decision that's waiting on you. You know you have to just decide. There's no point in stalling, so put on some motivational music and get your butt going. 
This song motivates me and really moves me (I dance to it sometimes, okay? don't judge me!)
Okay, so some music makes you dance, others make you bobble your head (in the coooolest way possible; while on the train) and yes it makes you feel good. If you're a parent like me, you know how influential music is because it's evident in your kids. Those Hi-5 dance-a-longs and Disney songs on TV really hypes up kids.
This opening song hyped me up enough to learn Spanish by myself.
Every note of your favorite music just knows where to push your tempo. Dancing makes you sweat; and exertion produces endorphins and other happy hormones which lights up your mood.

Some songs are motivational and downright inspiring. Remember those bus rides to work or on the way home?
The song with the lyrics that always makes perfect sense to me.

If you can choose the perfect window song that fits the scene outside your pane of glass, then you can find the perfect song that tells you to Go Get'em Tiger.

*That doesn't necessarily mean "getting the girl", you know that right?

Music Defines You
No, listening to Tay-tay does not establish what kind of person you are, just that you like to shake it off. But everybody does that in their bedrooms. At least I do, don't you? You should try it, it's oddly entertaining... somewhat embarrassing.... but fun :)
* Yiheee! *

If I am going to be a song, not a song that will describe me, but if I literally had to be a song instead of a human I'd be Vienna. It's the first song on this post...it's just my song.... Need I say more?

Lastly, and ESPECIALLY....

Music Influences You

So please be careful about those rap songs about wielding pistols and getting shot in the arse and living to sing the tale. If you have no intention on going gangsta, living hardcore, becoming suicidal or voting for someone you don't even know: be cautious about which songs you frequently listen to.
Reasons why I adore this song:
1. It's sung to the tune of Billy Joel's "She'a Always a Woman"
2. The lyrics are touching.
3. The video is touching.
4. It makes me want to play more with my son.
5. Playing more with my son makes me feel like a great mom.